What, February already? Nope, just Summer Flings

The other day, I was watching Lemonade Mouth, one of Disney Channel's original movies, with a friend. There's this one scene with this kid Wen (whom I happened to have in a couple of my classes and thereby am famous by association) and his father; Dad plans to marry Girlfriend Sydney and tells Wen this. Wen isn't happy about this because no one could ever replace his mother, especially not his dad's girlfriend, whom he's come to demonize, but in reality she's perfectly alright (typical kid reaction to potential new parent). When Wen asks why Dad is marrying Sydney, Dad replies, "Because she makes me happy."

...For real? That's your answer? The more I thought about it, the more I realized this is a typical answer for that question.

And it's a pretty stupid answer.

So she makes you happy. I'm assuming your statement means she consistently makes you happy, all day, every day, all the time. She never pisses you off? Ever? Like, you've never gotten into a fight where you've desperately wanted to tear each other's hair out? I call b.s.

So what if she makes you happy? A LOT OF PEOPLE make you happy. Clearly your son does; you're not thinkin' about marrying him too are you? 'Cuz that might get awkward.

That answer needs to be expanded. You can't tell me you're only gonna marry a person because he makes you happy. What does that even mean? HOW does she make you happy? What does he do when you're upset or depressed? There has to be something else, some other reason.

"Well, I love him/her." Um, ok? And? Wait, that's it? Marriage is hardcore; you better be friggin' sure you can handle that mess, that weight, that COMMITMENT. Yeah, I said it- CUH-MIT-MEANT. I'm pretty sure you're in that "in love" stage in which you think this individual is perfect, amazing, and stupendous. Now, is any of that necessarily wrong to think? Of course not. But you must realize that this person is human and therefore
 fails at something at some level at some point; this person probably pisses you off at some point.

What do your arguments reveal about your characters? I'm a firm believer in members of a relationship fighting. Am I talking abuse? Of course not. But words will be said, actions will be taken, and feelings will get hurt. I think that's great for a relationship. It means real issues are surfacing and need to be dealt with accordingly. It gives each member a chance to say, "Wow, can I really handle someone like this?" Then they go at it again to work it out or eventually dissipate the relationship. Fights are a great tool for understanding perspectives and how to correct grievances made against those perspectives.

So for the "love" of all that is sane, please come up with a better excuse than "she makes me happy" unless you want me to go ballistic on your illogical reasoning.

What are your reasons?

Quality Time

"You first," I urged.

"Oh no," he sighed. "Ok, well, there were several." After deliberating for a moment, his tone brightened, "Oh, I know. Alright, remember when we were out getting groceries so you could, ah, delight us all with your cooking?"

I elbowed him in the side. "Shut up! You said yourself it was a great meal!"

Chuckling, he continued, "You and I split up, and when I finally found you again, you were in the office supplies section, just staring in wonder as though you'd never seen paper before."

My face reddened, and I was suddenly glad we were sitting back to back. "I told you then, and I'll say it again now-"

"I know, I know, let me finish," he said between laughs. I huffed and rammed myself into his back. "Let me paint this picture for you the way I saw it. You were standing there like a child, your guard was down, your awe was evident by the sparkling in your eyes, and I knew you were trying to think of uncommon ways to use all of those supplies in your crafts. It was one of the first times I'd ever seen you express unrestrained joy. For a moment, the veil parted so your beauty became clear to me. Then you noticed me, and instead of trying to pull your guard back up, you said very sheepishly, 'Have I ever told you how much I like office supplies?' At the time I really wanted to kiss you, but I settled for saying-"

"'No, you haven't. You're so strange,'" I finished while I chuckled. "Yeah, I remember that. Geez, I felt like a total geek after that."

"I thought you were rather adorable."

"I'm kinda glad you didn't kiss me right then and there. We weren't exactly dating then, so I would've been super confused and probably suffered a heart attack."

We laughed against each other until I finally said, "Ok, so I first realized you were the hottest man alive when-"

"Oh no." I felt his head fall into his hand as he nervously chuckled. Good naturedly embarrassing him is always a plus for me.

I continued, "You and your brothers were outside plucking weeds and doing yard work. Let me, uh, paint the picture for you. It's hot outside. Like, blazing hot. You guys are sweaty, shirtless, but look like you're having a jolly ole time. I step outside to take you guys a pitcher of icy water when, lo and behold, the, ah, veil parts, and I notice you are ridiculously handsome even when you're sweaty and stinky, and some not-so-pure thoughts run through my head." I feel him shaking his head as though he either doesn't believe a word I'm saying, or he is very embarrassed by the way I'm telling this story; I'm hoping it's the second one, and I'm almost wishing it were possible to see him blush.

"Anyways, I back inside the house to let my heart pound a bit and compose myself. Then I enter the backyard again with a loud shout so I know all of you notice me so I don't fall back into your spellbinding daze again. I mean, I always knew you were cute, but this was the first time I realized how frickin' sexy you are."

His face must have been in his hands because his speech was muffled. "You are ridiculous."

"Oh, don't be modest. You're fine, and you know it."

"Ridiculous. So ridiculous. I can't even- there are no words to describe how I feel right now."

I laughed and relaxed against him. "Is it that weird for me to call you sexy? Because you definitely are."

"You know when I call you bel in front of your friends, and they ask what it is I'm saying, so with beaming pride I tell them, but you put on this mask so you can hide your embarrassment?"

I was quiet for a moment before uttering a small, "Oh." Another second later I amended, "But that's different!"

With a heavy sigh, he fell into laughter, and soon after, I followed suit.

Controversy: You Think Love is Easy?

For the sake of getting my philosophical writings out of my notebook and onto the computer, I hope to transcribe and elaborate some of the debates I've been having with myself, Papa, and the general public.

Here's to the first of several entries about love.

We were having a question and answer session at youth group about homosexuality, and my thoughts were still reeling before I tried to go to sleep. So here are some rationalizations of mine, both written that night and further considered as I type, sprinkled with the debate at youth.

~*~

Homosexuality--how do we as Christians explain why it is wrong? Because "the Bible says so?" Yeah, great, but why? Why does the Bible call it wrong?

A good friend brought up the point that he can't imagine how God could judge someone based on how they were born.

Paul tries to defend this kind of answer towards the beginning of Romans while he talks about predestination and God choosing whom He loves based on what colonists called sovereign will. While I can't really understand Paul's answer, I'm hoping to look into it more once I get my hands on a Bible commentary for Romans.

Our panel of pastors and in-house-missionary replied that everyone is born into sin, because sin is permanent in this life until Christ's return revolutionizes everything, and everyone has a different weakness which can develop into a chaining habit of sin.

Then the good friend said that gays don't choose whom they are attracted to, just like he doesn't choose to be straight. To which our panel answered that virtually no one chooses to sin. They just do. I rationalize this as follows: I don't consciously say to myself, "Yeah, you know what, I am gonna break God's law by taking that candy bar, and I don't care that I'm sinning. I want it, so I'm doing it."

In fact, I think very few people consider their actions as sin; instead, they justify them or label them less offensively. If we really thought about our wrong actions as sin, I think we'd be less likely to do them. Think about it. Just that word sin. Kinda makes me shiver. Instead I'll think about stealing as a "bad action God will forgive anyways." Yeah, gives me less of a sickening, convicted feeling in my gut.

The panel replied that while few, if any, homosexuals say to themselves "You know what, Imma try hitting on my own gender and have sex with that person and see how that goes," they do choose to entertain those thoughts, then act on them, just like straights choose to survey that hot person then jack off or have sex with him/her. In which case, the brief thoughts are not entirely the problem nor are they necessarily the sin; running with those thoughts instead of making each thought and action captive to Christ is the real issue.

Thinking about this homosexuality issue brought me back to my next big thought--unconditional love. The way I see it, homosexuality is sexual immorality just like cheating affairs, masturbation, lust, and so on. The reason I think it's such a battle between opinions boils down to love versus lust, both of which are tied into our inherent sin natures and our spiritual rebirths.

Love is meant to be unconditional no matter what relationship setting you put it in. Romantic, parental, friendly, family, whatever. Love is corrupted, however, as soon as we're birthed from the womb. Even after we are reborn, love struggles against lust--the flesh, the sinful man we leave behind yet hounds us. Because we're human, we confuse the two, serve two masters, "love" impurely, whether we "love" ourselves and masturbate, "love" others and have sex with them, or "love" our fantasies and create idols, all of which are mentally fed further through different media: porn, erotic literature, movies, or even our own strange thoughts. Pick your poison.

I think the real issue across the board, homosexual or heterosexual, is this wire cross. We rarely, if ever, love each other, no matter the relationship. We almost always hold grudges, become impatient, selfish, controlling, jealous, and fall prey to our deceitful hearts. (Which, as another youth group member brought up, even if we love the Lord our God with our whole hearts, Jeremiah tells us our hearts are incredibly deceitful; thus, we may even "love" God without realizing.)

If we can't even fathom the love Christ had--has--for us by dying on our crosses for our sins when we nailed Him there, spit on Him, and mocked Him, how do we expect to love each other? I think most of our relationships, romantic or not, are founded on lust, the "natural," sin-natured, twisted version of love.

But as Christians, I feel every once in awhile our true God given heart shines through, and we love inexplicably, unconditionally. But most times, the sin nature bites back, and now our "love" again becomes self-centered.

So how do we correct this? What do we do? Well, here's to finding those answers, practicing what we preach, and living in love instead of lies.

I feel like our society needs a serious makeover regarding love. Love is not always sex, nor is it always happiness, sunshine, and ponies. Love is frickin' hardcore. Take it or leave it, fight for it, step up to the plate; it'll change you, grow you, and REVOLUTIONIZE you. I mean, come on, Love is even in the word revolution. It's backwards, but how fitting since that's our perception of it.

What do you think?