Identity: Prologue...?

We all live in a world that is constantly torn asunder by two spiritual forces. To put them plainly, they are good and evil. To name them correctly, they are the Creator of the universe, the Savior of mankind, and the Spirit of counseling versus the Ruler of the air, the Killer, Thief, Destroyer, and his lackeys.

Yeah, I'm talking the Lord and Satan.

Satan's got better things to do than attack me personally, and since he's not omnipresent like the Lord, he sends his lackeys for me. Several come at me on and off. There's Self-Doubt, Sexual Immorality, Depression, Apathy, Bitterness, and Discouragement. All of them are liars, just like their master.

Recently I was battling Sexual Immorality in the form of Idle Thoughts, Masturbation, and Pornography. A good friend of mine shared her story with me and hooked me into settingcaptivesfree.com. The program's free, online, and lasts 60 days, a good number since supposedly it takes 40 days to break a habit and 20 to form a new one. More on that later

Even before this rampant streak of Sexual Deviousness, I was struggling with Identity. I didn't know me and I often isolated myself from others because I didn't think I was worthy of friends. I thought I should fade into the background. I figured I didn't matter in the grand scheme of things -which while that is true, I'll get more into that later too- and I shouldn't have to find myself in my friends. So I switched cliques frequently.

But I had one friend, a best friend, someone I loved like a sister.

But I screwed everything up.

It's a shame so many people think Sexual Immorality and Identity tie together so well. As humans, we are constantly searching, forever curious. You see, there's this satisfaction we need to find somewhere, but we have no idea where or even what we're looking for. So we have sex. We drink. We do drugs. We change our personality or our look to fit in.

We lose our Identity. We don't know ourselves, but we're too afraid to know who we are. So we hide, use, abuse, break, build, create, lose, and gain. But for what? We're too afraid to look beneath the surface. Humans have a knack for rationalizing everything. Maybe it's something inherent; maybe it's learned. Either way, we know what's wrong and what's right; we know truth. But we don't want to admit that we know what we know because knowledge is power. True, raw power like that ironically comes with consequences unknown. And if there's one more thing humans do well, it's fear what we don't know or perhaps what we can't understand.

So we do what we do without thinking. If we stop to think, everything we know and do is a lie. And we know this all too well. All the better to coast through life using and abusing and hoping to just get by. But we refuse to acknowledge why.

Humans are mystery even to themselves. All the easier for demons to get in.

*May be edited/deleted