I owe you an apology. I have been bitter and arrogant and have refused to believe your change. I should not need proof of your change just because I am bruised by the old you. I know I need to tell you this either in person or by some other means, and I'm supposing I should go by the most embarrassing method.
Chances are you have no idea that I have despised you. It is even less likely you know the reasons why. I did not hate you solely because of your words. I hated you because you were my obsession. I hated you because I hated myself for obsessing over your attention, for idolizing you, and for objectifying you. I hate you because I so dearly hate myself. I think another reason I may hate you is because, yet again, I've connected you with her. I feel as though the underlying theme to all of my problems is her.
I'm sorry. I'd like to start over, if that's possible. But it probably isn't. We've never had anything in common to begin with. But regardless, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being unfair, for holding things against you, for not accepting you into the Family like I should have.
Please, Lord, break this obsession and take away my hatred, my bitterness which rots me. This is not who You've created me to be.
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