Let it Snow, I Say, for the First Time Ever

I keep hoping for a snow day tomorrow because I really just want to take the day to cry and scream and get all this emotional crap out of my system.

My emotions have been rampant this week, and I'm sure part of the reason is Alexis' passing and my inability to brace myself and tear off scabs. Some kids acted up in class yesterday and today, and I just--I haven't felt so enraged for some time, fire in my blood, sharp on the outside but not overly so--that quiet, level rage breaking forth. Writing that referral felt good. But I know it doesn't mean a damn thing to him. I wasn't even embarrassed by his noncompliance--I just felt justified.

Then the teacher's been out for days and I just want to know what we're doing with my unit with the seniors so I can accommodate whatever he needs, but I get the feeling the students don't even care about what I have to say. This disrespect inflames me. I couldn't care less if they liked me--I just want their respect. But I'm a newbie, a temp, so I guess I can't really expect it. So I keep asking myself if I'm giving it to them. I wonder if everyone has different ideas of what respect looks like. I wonder if I'm not meeting their needs.

Two more solid weeks. Then a four-day week. Then another two solid weeks. God, give me patience and strength and creativity and adaptability and flexibility and understanding and authority and everything else. And please heal my teacher but give us the timing we need to work together over logistics and discussions and teachings.

And please let it snow and ice and hail so school's closed. Don't let anyone get hurt though.