"I asked, 'When am I the most myself? No defenses, no anything, just my actual self.' Do you know what God said?"
"What?"
" 'When you are broken down and crying.' "
A wall goes up
automatic defense,
despite just asking what I'd be
without that.
I think of all the selves I have,
same adrenaline
rushing through my veins everytime I get a new
reaction, blasting, confusion on your face
You don't know me
who's just running this race
without a label without a plan
wondering 'is this just how it ends?'
No love, no respect
I can't give it on my own
Don't receive it, can't believe it
too much and I disown it
I see all these people with a love that is their own
and I break it, take it,
see this smile on my face?
believe it, hate it, hate me, hate this
I can't handle undeniable true bliss
Jealous. I want it for my own
but the burden is too heavy
and I can't bear to stand alone
I hate me for who I am
but I do not want to change
Because change equals effort
and I'm too much to blame
for everything I have to hold up
Standards too high and I'm just about to blow up
I can't handle being different,
being anything but me
but I know You're whispering
Trust You not me
Trust? Trust?
I can't handle it,
too much and I lose it
after raging on my own
inequities
pretty please
I won't get on my hands and knees
Too proud, too arrogant
You might as well get used to it
"Don't tell Me that you're tough,
don't tell Me that you're brave.
Don't tell Me that you're junk,
because that's not what I create.
I made you to glorify Me,
made you to honor Me completely.
I chisel and I take and you just like to talk,
Throw up walls, thinking that'll make Me stop.
I love you too much
to leave you just the way you are.
You don't deserve Me and you know it
but I love you with everything.
See these scars? Touch my hands
How do these make you feel?
Broken, shameful?
Good, now let Me finish you."
"It looks like we both gotta let our guard down."
O.O BEAUTIFUL!!! I absolutely ADORE this! <3 Scale 1-10= 508235029374239048. hahaha. Keep it up, girlie.
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